At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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