He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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