My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
