The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
