I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
