I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
