the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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