wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
