How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
