I met the friendliest cop last night
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
