My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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