First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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