Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
