okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize