I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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