just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
