its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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