Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
