Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
you traded sex for a burrito?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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