I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
