I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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