Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
