please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
