I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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