I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
