you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
