I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
