i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
