oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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