Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
