and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Alive.
So much puke
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
