I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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