is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
