You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
