Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
