that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
