he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
