I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize