If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
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