Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
