Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
