How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize