he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
