I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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