OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
