Only a mothe r could love this liver
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
You took a bar mat shot.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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