She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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