Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
