Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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