he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
