Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
