her vagine was all disorganized.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
