i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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