Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
