I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
