Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
do herpes really smell.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
