How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
where are you?
Hypothermia
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
