At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
