i just wanna soil my oats bro
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
It's never too late to be topless.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
