I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
