did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
