I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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