Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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