i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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