I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
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