How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
