Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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