I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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