She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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