Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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