We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
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