when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
